Clash
by c-thur
Summary: There's a tremor in the ranks of the elite Turks. Time to sort it out...


C. Thurlow 12/30/01  
  
He sipped at the mug again. The steam wove and twisted its wisps up through a few of his more rebellious bangs. It was to early for liquor, and coffee was the only alternative, both in sustenance, and its more sobering quality. He sat slouched, leaning over and onto the table, one arm folded across his chest, supporting him. It was the only thing keeping him from going face down into the tables dented metallic face. He tried hard to recall what had brought him to this table, this early..but a panging headache was the only grim reminder of the night before. Rude and Elena, the other two Turks, were nowhere to be found. Having finished his coffee, he stood up, stretched, and prepared to face the day with all the determination and prowess a member of the elite Turk force carried. He plopped down on the couch (it nearly buckling completely, as it protested this daily ritual), and began to flip through Shinra-brand cable. "Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap". The first words of the day, describing the morale-defining TV stations. They really set the mood for the day. He looked longingly at his watch. Where the hell was Elena? Maybe she was looking for work...at any rate she was out of his vermilion locks. "Oh, Reeeeeeeeennnnnooooooooo..." Elena's voice was quite distinct as it drifted through the Junon door and into Reno's ear. To some it may have sounded like a sweet string orchestra. To Reno it was more along the lines of a large fish flopping inside a de-tuned piano. The words caused a cringe, and a sigh of disgust. "God damned mother @#$#@%@#$@..", the red - head Turk mumbled as he walked out the door towards the sidewalk in front of the apartment. He was looking down, arms hanging lifeless, practically dragging his feet with him. He suddenly felt a large metal object pressed into his forehead. Impeding his movement, he halted, and began looking up. As he ascended to his full height, he saw Elena holding a gun to his forehead. Her head was cocked to one side, and she had the most giddy of an evil grin on her face. His new posture required her to aim at a more prominent feature of his face. Reno looked down the bridge of his nose, down the barrel of the gun, to Elena's wry face. "Why hello Elena. Aren't you looking especially beautiful today", quipped Reno, with a biting sarcasm, caustic even. "Shut-up. I told you that I would be the leader, and I WILL" "Sure dear, whatever you say. Just shut up, do your job, and kiss my ass" With that last statement, the female Turk blew a tuft of her hair up. She was beginning to loose her patience, what little she had. A bystander, across the large street, did a double take, originally seeing a small girl with clenched fists hopping up and down in a hiss-fit, looked again, seeing the annoyed male looking away from his accoster. "Now Elena look, Tseng is dead, that means he isn't coming back, dead, gone, kaput, kicked the bucket. Like your sex life." "Why you stuck up--" "Elena I'm the leader, you and Rude, wherever he is, listen to me." "Then why haven't we worked in so long!!" Elena gasped. She was at a shout now and just now realized that the safety of the gun was still on. "Because its hard to find jobs for government-issue elite whatever-we- are's!" CLICK Reno realized his comrade had finally realized that the trigger had been inoperable. With a large graceful flip, he flew backwards, out of immediate danger, and into the middle of the street. "Now Elena, put your stupid pistol away, and LET ME GET BACK TO MY SOAPS" "Not until you LET ME RUN THIS OPERATION" "What operation, that's my point. I don't see YOU getting us work" Rude came out mumbling, blinking and scratching his.uh.scalp. Reno and Elena both shot lethal glances simultaneously at him. Each one gave a nauseous expression as they looked at his pajamas. "What's going on guys, did you 2 finally get us a job?" In unison, he was met with an overwhelming "NO". Suddenly realizing what he was looking at, he cowered behind a planter, conveniently lying by the door. Peering out from behind. He saw what appeared to be a grudge match forming, to finally put to rest the nagging question "WHO LED THE TURKS" Elena glanced at her gun, the safety was off, the clip was in, there was a fresh bullet in the chamber, with the letters "A", "S", and "S" carved in it. Reno, sizing up the situation, as the experienced Turk he was, took a more sideways stance. He made some small taunting remarks about Barret's face being a little more pleasant, and Elena's scaring small children even more than Rude's PJ's. This really served two purposes. A, it pissed his blonde counterpart off, and B, it disguised the fact that on his opposite side he was reaching for a concealed weapon of choice. In an odd manner however, Elena remained strangely calm. "Muffin, poor Reno's SCREWED" Reno looked up to see Elena grinning the width of the street, eyes winced shut. His own face seemed to lose its jaw, and then receded to a whimper. His facial expression assumed a more teary, panicked look, as if accepting defeat. He quickly realized this was a hostage situation. "YOU EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL, EVIL...why didn't I think of that?" "Because I'm running things from her on out toots. No more dumb, arrogant, ignorant, airhead, stupid, annoying, dumb, annoying, and stupid...what was I talking about??" "......You're dumb and stupid?" Reno put in a suggestion. "Oh right, I'm dumb and stupid and airhead-ed -ed and..HEY WAIT..", Elena's face contorted as her nose wrinkled. Refusing to admit defeat, she continued yapping at Reno. "..stupid and blonde..BUT NO MORE" Reno's figure assumed a look seeming to say "I've heard this before" and "I'd love to see THAT happen" all at once. "So are you going to give me my Electro-rod back??" "um. Lemme think...NO" "Well, I guess I'll have to kick your ass AGAIN then. You really are to blonde for your own good, you know that? Really. But, at least it's an excuse. I mean, if you were as stupid as you are now, and DIDN'T have a good reason, well..that'd be sad" Elena charged. Reno darted sideways so fast even Rude couldn't keep up with him. He was displaying some of the physical capabilities that had made him a Turk. As Elena passed by in shock, he reached around; grasping where he assumed his weapon would be, in her back pocket. "DID YOU JUST TOUCH MY ASS!??!?!" Reno froze, and looked at his hand. "Wha-wha-whaa???", was all he could stammer. His speech center couldn't construct anything coherent, as all he wanted to do was amputate his limb. "What the HELL did you do THAT for?" Elena glared. "What did you do with my Electro-Rod!!!??", he shot back. "I threw it in the harbor." Elena spoke with a very boastful tone. She was very proud of herself, she had really out done it this time. Now Reno was really steamed. He knocked the gun out of Elena's hand. She let out a loud "EEP". "HEY" "Shut up. I should expel you for this one" "Hey, I just wanna LEAD, if you're not comfortable with that maybe I should expel you". She darted after him, as he ran towards a shop by the street. He thought he could dash into an alley, and easily wait for an ambush. He shot in behind a small doctor's office, and peered out, expecting to see a PMS'ing blonde running after him. All he saw was a steamroller.  
  
John slowly set the plaque on the wall. First to the left then to the right, then centered. "Ah yes, perfectly level now", he said, beaming with pride. He let out a very flamboyant laugh. He skipped about his office, preparing for his new day of providing cheap, affordable, and hopefully reliable therapy to the masses. His last preparation was to switch his little white noise machine on. He trotted into the waiting room, leaned over with one leg out to balance, like a ballerina in his grace. He triumphantly flicked the switch. A sudden rumble caused him to lose his balance. He sat up, on his knees, hands in his lap, with a most perplexed face. "Golly", he remarked, "that's a LOT more powerful than in the magazine. I must REALLY get successful with this kinda stuff". He bounced side to side, with enough cheer to power a small city, or to make the author want to start a "12 steps to quitting over-optimism" program. He stood up, and walked over to the door, accentuating the walk with a little dance, and swaying of the hips. "Never fear, it's time to cheer" he repeated..repeatedly. The slogan was plastered all over the room. He flicked the sign around from 'closed' to 'YES WE'RE OPEN, ISN'T IT A CHEERY DAY', and began to return to his couch, smiling.  
  
The steamroller knocked effortlessly through the wall, crushing the eager 'open' sign. All that remained was some rubble, and a man with joints that resembled a rag doll. For the first time ever, a single tear could be seen moving down his cheek. Without moving, he uttered something about discovering 'pain', as his teeth cascaded out of his mouth. A faint bleating was heard. "I'll get you RENOOO!!" blared Elena. "Um...LOOK OVER THERE!" retorted Reno. He was somewhat panic-stricken over how Elena managed to procure a steam roller, and to knock over a house in all of 3.4 seconds, but that was to be figured out at another time. Luckily, Elena wasn't the brightest. Reno's interjection had caused her to spin around, and inadvertently turn the wheel, inadvertently running over the shrink a second time. He was now one with the pavement, so-to-speak. He hopped up on the rear flange of the steamroller. "HA" A stupefied look came over the female elite. She toppled from her seat atop the mighty machine. She collapsed, her standard issue suit wrinkled as she cried. "All I wanted to do was be leader! You didn't have to * sob sob * mess up my hair" Rude ran into the apartment, slamming the door, with the haste of a gazelle being pursued by a starving cheetah. He knew what was next. "I what??" Reno couldn't understand it. All he had done was jump up and attempt to stop her. He hadn't actually done anything. "I'm...I'm so-" She turned to face him, tears were moving like say...Niagara falls. She sobbed and Reno made out that she was "having a bad hair day", and that he "didn't have to mess with the hair since it was already bad". Reno was dumbfounded and amazed. Then it occurred to him. His cheeks turned a deep rosy color. He mimicked getting hit in the crotch. He had started to apologize to Elena. She turned, tears residing, and a look of hatred invigorated her eyes. Reno's little quip had quite a nettling effect. She stood up to face him. She clenched her fists, shook her arms around, opened her mouth, and a wall of fire came out. Reno stood, smoldering, with his hands tucked tightly into his body, and with one raised eyebrow (well, the remnants of one). He pictured Elena in a leather devil outfit, cracking a whip briefly, then shook bewilderment, and that traumatizing image out of his head. Storming up to him, she let loose a fierce string of verbal assaults. She may not have been the strongest Turk, but she was well versed in Tongue-Fu. "Why you chauvinist pig! You redheaded bastard! Why I'll Kill you!!" she let the coherent words kind of slur into a deep low roar, the kind of thing you wouldn't ordinarily think a female could do. "I'll cut 'em off, I'll squash 'em, I'll rip 'em off, you don't think Clouds little freaks are the only ones capable of that!!!" she was on a roll now, advancing towards him, faster than he could retreat. In the background of the commotion, a small man could be seen holding a sign bearing the words "Pessimism, the Slums or Bust!" and marching off. Elena slammed her enraged fist onto the planter Rude had used to cover. Part of it took a seesaw effect, and flew into the air. She ignored it and continued to pummel Reno with slurs. Our friendly by-stander was still carrying the "slums or bust sign" when a planter landed on his head. Taking his hat off he simply chucked it into the ground, and jumped on it. Cursing the damn planet. Elena caught up with Reno. She grabbed the collar of his suit, which had become quite tattered as of late. "You know what I did with that Electro-rod? I took it and I shoved it you your @#$@# in your sleep!" "I think I would have noticed tha-" "Shuttup!" "ok", replied Reno, in a very small voice. If he didn't take charge soon, he was going to lose this one, and that was quite unacceptable. Reno decided it was time to be a little assertive. He gathered his wits. In his head he repeated over and over "can't let the fans down, can't let the fans down." He halted and Elena bumped into him. She proceeded to knee him in the genitals. He just grinned back, much to her surprise and dismay. "MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH, a small side effect of working near Mako for so long." "Mother @#$@#" Reno grabbed Elena under the arms. Using his superior strength, he picked her up, and threw her to the left, the opposite side of the street as the shops. She landed with a rather a large splash in Junon Harbor. Reno waddled back towards his door. He was only telling a half-truth. Sure Mako, had some "effects", but it didn't dull the pain. Rude let Reno in, and handed him an ice pack. He had been watching the whole thing unfold, after Elena had pulled her human flame-thrower act. "You know, you really ought to do something with her." "I know, but what?" "Well cremation versus burial is really a matter of personal prefer-" Reno cut Rude off with a short wave of his hand, dismissing the possibility. He sat on the couch, almost sitting on the remote, which would have indeed caused him much dismay. Both the male Turks were figuring that about now Elena was marching up the long set of steps from the shore to the road. They also were both praying that she was in a mood where she was simply bitter and would retreat to her room without words, rather then give Rude the same treatment as Reno had so graciously received. They men were indeed both lucky, she went straight to the back of the flat, and slammed the door.  
  
It was now mid-morning, and the mail-person slid a rather thick envelope through the mail slot. Rude strolled over and picked it up. On the back were written "time sensitive court documents" and the words "law suit - destruction of property & traumatic stress syndrome". He took note of it, as he was preparing his own lawsuit on the grounds of not enough on-screen time. He flipped it over, noted it was addressed to Elena, slid it under her door, grinned, and sat down next to Reno to find another job, and watch some Shinra-brand cable TV.  
  
LE FIN 


End file.
